I attended Catholic school as a child. My teachers were nuns and behind school grounds was the convent where they lived and worshiped. My school friends were God-fearing children and though I never voiced it, I always felt a bit like a scratch-and-sniff among regular stickers for not having a religious family.
I did pray to God every night when I was little, but as I grew older, I steered away from Him and closer to Freddy Mercury. That’s when I started down my cycle of darkness. What followed were years of unshamefacedness and revelry. I’ve consumed alcohol, tobacco, marijuana and other illicit substances, I’ve lied, worn whorish clothing, danced to provocative music, and supported abortion. All offensive activities that have been proven to lead to one thing only: porneia.
Foolishly thinking that I could make myself happy on my own, I failed to see that without lighting the divine spark in my heart, without letting Jesus in, I could never find quietude. I’ve been eager to speak when I should be silent. I’ve raised my head in defiance when I should’ve bowed in servitude. I’ve read extensively on politics and other subjects that simply don’t concern a woman. It’s been exhausting to try wearing pants fit for a man when I should actually put on a simple conservative dress and bake cookies.
My lifestyle has warranted me years of loneliness; I have no husband to provide for me and no children to bring meaning to my life. When I look at pictures of my past, I’m ashamed of the self-absorbed, sexually suggestive exuberance that permeates the photos.
These are photos of a whore who has lost the righteous path of the Lord. I don’t need to wait until January 1st to change my life around. God will accept me today. I have done some research (not a lot, because I understand that too much thinking leads to confusion) and am ready to wash my hands with the blood of Christ . To show the Holy Spirit how committed I am, I found some things I can do until I get a proper blessing at Church. These include:
- disposing of all my non-cotton clothing.
Thou shalt not wear clothes of mixed fibers. (Leviticus 19:19)
- hitting Tori when she’s a bad girl.
Thou shalt inflict corporal punishment on your children. (Proverbs 13-29)
- going vegetarian all the way. If Jesus wants it, so it shall be.
Thou shalt not eat pork, shrimp, lobster, or any shellfish. (Leviticus 11:7-12)
- of course, no sex while on my period.
If a man lies with a woman during her sickness and uncovers her nakedness, he has exposed her flow, and she has uncovered the flow of her blood. Both of them shall be cut off from their people. (Leviticus 20:18)
- oh wait, no sex at all!
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. (Colossians 3:5)
- practicing silence. this will be hard. can i still blog, though?
“Let the women learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.”
- being sad.
“Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”
- smoking weed
And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. (Genesis 1:29)
It may seem like a lot at first, but I’m confident that the more things I have to follow, the less thinking I’ll have to do and the more devoted I’ll be. See how easy it is to finally find happiness?