Nuzzled my way in
Coy, to my spot
To my soft, warm place on your surface.
Ironically, nothing was
premeditated
And it felt relaxed.
When I didn’t move
or take an extra breath,
I saw the sharpest colors
felt the freshest breeze
heard lively silence
and it was completely satisfying.
The taste lingers
Unidentifiable on my lips.
A dormant desire in my heart -
relentless thirst for its return.
He a raggedy, cornered, orphaned doll of deep and hollow eye sockets.
She a giant vagina with jiggly testicles mounted on muscular legs
fast on calloused feet,
mocks him and his sentiments.
the doll floats in nothingness; he can’t see, can’t hear, can’t feel
even if the body does.
The giant is sensuous and stomps the motionless body.
Bars in the window
I am crazy
The shape-shifter surrounds and suffocates
He once tried – nails dug into vertically infinite concrete.
Scab and blood the only proofs.
He’s awake. He’s terrified.
She is massive and the foot threatens
Tear down the wall
A cascade of ugly shit from her mouth.
He sees choking hands and bitten nipples
Ripping open a blouse, exposed breasts in shame.
Uniformed rape.
Physical punishment
Faceless body unquestioning into the abyss.
The crowd cheers as the skies fall on the heads of
Queers, jews, junkies, students
Beaten and stripped.
When eyes were still in the sockets
A blade sharply removed eyebrows
and skin,
and blood.
The scars didn’t matter for a rock star
He still got pussy. Even more, for being eccentric.
By now the scars were gone and with them
any vestige of humanity
They found him nearly lifeless
Television blasting.
Where’s the commander now?
Where are the uniform and the megaphone
and the followers and destroyers?
A shot of adrenaline.
A forced re-entry.
Humiliated and sub-human
She built the wall
And she blew it up.
With it went his mind.
Little children solemnly sort pieces from debris.
Pink Floyd: The Wall (film) was so fucking fantastic I had to try to capture the imagery. I apologize for compressing and diluting the work with my self-indulgent little challenge. I couldn’t not.
An end of year happened reunion
Some discomfort and unfamiliarity
But they’re like me and I’m like them
And soon our lips conquer our shakiness.
My mode is dominant, as they know.
I thank them for accommodating.
I find that every bit I learn
of myself
Is thanks to them, to it, to whatever it may be
in front of me, at that given moment.
I am as I choose to be in each vignette of
grouped breaths, and these
as you can imagine,
form a larger picture I’ve only seen out of focus.
It will be clearer some day. I’m not in a hurry.
It’s what she said that invoked this in me.
I like to think of it as defiance; a will to live
and to live happily. I am more sure each day
that it takes more courage to do that than to numb.
When I see succumbing, I want to push hard
When I hear silence, I want to scream
When I see idleness, I want to shake you and me.
Not just borne of self-indulgence
(maybe a little)
but out of instinct – the unexplainable urge to do exactly
That way or this.
A full breath when oxygen was scarce a second earlier.
At least for now, I despise complacency.
I discovered the reason
I look back on relationships and find them mostly
Failed
My addictive nature, my needy persona
Nearly every lover I’ve had I considered
The last one. HE was forever.
My need to make him love me
As I loved him and needed him
is what drowned the very thing
I desperately sought to keep afloat
In my mind I was holding on
Springing you up
Allowing you to breathe
Swimming against the current
Bravely, heroically, even
One woman responsible for
The most perfect relationship in the universe
While it chokes
And when it ended I couldn’t understand why
I couldn’t understand how
All my efforts didn’t pay off
All the time, all I did, carefully planned
You said “thank you very much”
And went on your way
With all my things
With all my time
With all my love
Left me with
But a single breath
Entirely sure I should
Never give again.
I am embarrassed but I don’t regret
I am defiant because of you
And I wish you to be broken
Because of me
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