Fun time detox

30 Mar

I’m suffering from PVR (post-vacation retardation). I’m trying to “hang in there” for my boss, but I must say, this has been the longest work day of my freaking life. I had six hours of sleep, which would be satisfactory under normal circumstances, but truly, I got out of bed this morning and made my way to the shower with my eyes 70% closed. Heard something or other about Ricky Martin being gay on the radio, and now here I am.

I’m not asking for pity. I just want to bring awareness to this condition, as it can severely affect one’s well-being for a number of days, if proper care isn’t taken. The symptoms include, but aren’t limited to:

1. Spontaneous falling-asleepness
2. Ugliness (especially of the face and hair)
3. Mild hallucinations
4. Short-term memory loss
5. The shakes (a result of alcohol and tobacco withdrawal)
6. Caffeine cravings
7. Incoherence / lifelessness of speech
8. Weight loss (don’t mind this one so much. probably a result of #4 – forgetting to eat)

These may not be alarming individually, but together, they are severely debilitating. I have managed to tag 300+ pictures on Facebook today, but my lackluster comments are clear indicators of my condition; where I may, in good health, have created a real LOL in one or two short sentences, I debated, deleted, and finally, defeated, left a shameful few words barely worthy of a ‘ha.’ It would be a real downer if it weren’t for the fact that, thanks to symptom #4, I am also easily distracted. I can’t even remember to remain disappointed at myself for longer than a few seconds. My eyes are drawn to the door, to which I must walk, open, and take even MORE steps to enter the kitchen.

Mmm, the kitchen. There’s probably Passover leftovers. My back hurts. Maybe I can just close my eyes for a little bit. Mmmm… I’ll put my head down too. I’ll hear steps if someone comes this way. Swedish House Mafia and Armin were so good. I looked really nice in that dress. Agh, I want a beer and an empanada and the beach and a book. Can’t believe I finished that book. I thought I was gonna start seeing demons on my shoulder too. They had a lot of sex. I wonder if I would cheat on my boyfriend if I were touring in a rock n’ roll band. I need to pee. It’s all this coffee I’m drinking and it’s not even working. Oh my god, I need to close the month for each of the companies by like, Friday. FUCK, it’s only 12:27????

As you can imagine, the thoughts continued, looming over the happiness I felt less than 48 hours ago. Where there were boys flirting with me, is now my boss with lease contract jargon. The brief , refreshing rain has been replaced by the cold, persistent showers of New England. I’m wearing more clothes than I care to, none as cute as the sarongs I casually wrapped around my neck. I hear silence and the occasional too-loud ring of the telephone (GOD, don’t they know I JUST got back?) instead of sick beats and laughter.

I’ve got a useless, slow brain that refuses to come up with decent closure to this excuse for a blog post. It’s sharp enough, however, to realize it’s time to go home and fucking crash.

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7 Responses to “Fun time detox”

  1. The Mercurial Wife March 30, 2010 at 17:16 #

    Wow! You need another break…a really long one! Last time I felt like this was when I went back to London after a 2-week vacay in the Caribbean. It sucks balls, doesn’t it?

    I hope you get over the blues and resume life as you were pre-vacay…or maybe it’s a bad thing?

    • Juliana April 1, 2010 at 07:53 #

      you know, i thought long and hard (really liking the male genitalia connotations here) about what you said and
      a) life can never go back to exactly what it was before an event took place
      b) feeling discombobulated totally sucks balls, but what do you know, it’s already thursday! i’ll be all caught up by monday and have the warm weather to look forward to…

  2. Martin March 30, 2010 at 20:04 #

    Rest assured, that was lol-worthy…or at least, worth more than a mild chuckle.

  3. Leo March 31, 2010 at 15:56 #

    You know what helps with this? Having a job you love…

    I guess you cant call what I do a job yet… but someday soon…

    When I get up I’m excited about what I need to do for the day! God I hope this DJing thing works out… Hurry up and write a blog about it. I need all the exposure I can get.

    • Juliana April 1, 2010 at 07:54 #

      i’m going to leave all of my sarcastic thoughts aside and agree, that yes, loving your job totally makes life easier.

      how about YOU write a blog and i’ll post it?

  4. Kanan April 1, 2010 at 13:14 #

    PVR is known to be cured by RVP. Not only is this a convenient acronym, but I’m pretty sure the V is for Vagina.

    Comment/excrement apart, that was really fun to read, but seemed to personal to read at the same time. Always a good combination.

    • Juliana April 1, 2010 at 14:24 #

      what’s RVP? retarded vagina penetration? i don’t want to penetrate vaginas… so confused.

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