1 May

I have a lot of fast-paced adventures. I exist in moments of hazy cognizance, and I am carefree in a manner where second thoughts aren’t allowed, reflection is too long a word for consideration, and where my presence often controls the environment. My experiences result from my impulsions. I have heartfelt fun. I laugh really, really hard. I make others smile.

I’m so busy developing theories, crafting ways to ‘entertain,’ that my actions become just a series of movements, vignettes of actualized anticipation. And for all the adventure I have, all the control I exert on everything around me, the most overwhelming feelings generally come during my moments of inaction.

I’ve come to learn the importance of stopping. I’m fine-tuning my internal alarm clock, and every day I get better at hearing when it goes off – when it tells me to be still, to not act, to not be in control. It might be the genuine laughter of a little kid, the sound of my dog quenching her thirst with the water I provided, a song that somehow steals beauty from thin air and recycles it into sound waves. I’m catching these moments, and I’m stopping for them. What follows are tears without hesitation, a huge smile, the actual feeling of my pupils enlarging as they try to absorb all the color and depth. I think about how I am filled with life and I am in awe of my mind – my vessel – through which I get to taste and be a part of the world.

Now when I feel restless to come up with an answer, the length of time it takes for me to reprogram and stop is getting shorter and shorter. And then I look around, and whatever it is I need tends to find me.

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One Response to “”

  1. Carly Findlay May 1, 2010 at 21:27 #

    Stopping. I wish I could stop more often. I do stop, though this means I am surfing the net while doing other things. I can’t seem to uni-task. I always seem to be multi-tasking.
    I need to stop, like you, and appreciate things more.

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