Hello, I am drunk

18 Sep

I woke up at 12:21pm today. It was the first time I slept past 8am in the last 4 weeks, because recently, I’ve either woken up to an early-ass alarm clock or to bad dreams – stressful dreams – relating to all the shit in my life that I need to do or figure out. Or the shit I can’t do anything about, but that still stress and upset the fuck out of me. These last four weeks have royally sucked; job, family, car, money, friends-wise… I think Jesus wants to punish me for all the great sex I’ve had my whole life.

I haven’t had proper weekends, since they’ve been occupied by errands, arguments, and a lot of waiting around for other people to do shit, so I could get shit done. The bulk of it’s been resolved, thankfully, now I’m left only with… finding a new job before I’m laid off (I have three weeks left. Light a candle for me, will ya?)

Throughout all this, I’ve felt a little alone, wishing I had someone with whom I could have mind-blowing, sadness-squashing sex. But I don’t. What I do have are friends in stable, long-term relationships.  Yeay.

So I figured it was time to put aside my rules and regulations on dating, acknowledge the fact I’ll soon be physically undesirable, and start going on some fucking dates. Because it’s fun to talk about what I do for work, the kind of music I like, and why my last relationship didn’t work. With a stranger. While simultaneously trying to listen to my vagina, and what it thinks about him.

I went on a date with a tall, attractive, intelligent, funny, well-spoken, well-employed, looking-for-a-serious-relationship guy. He likes dogs and strange sci-fi. He lives nearby and has a great smile. He loves his grandma and ice cream and coffee. He made me laugh. I had a really nice time. He texted and emailed me a few times after our date, and invited me to watch a soccer game with him. After a week, I stopped answering his emails. He added me as a contact on g-chat and I blocked him.

Today, while at H&M on Newbury Street, wearing an oversized flannel and my beat up Chuck Taylors, a really cute guy stared at me as I made a yucky face to the strange, tight and uncomfortable-looking shirt-thing I saw on display. My eyes met his, and he didn’t look away, so I smiled. I walked around the store, found the suit that will single-handedly secure the job I want, tried it on, waited a good 20 minutes in the check out line, then walked out the store. Before I reached Berkeley Street, I heard someone running behind me, who said, “excuse me!” I turned around and it was the cute guy with whom I’d made eye contact.

“Hi, I saw you in there, and I don’t know, I just had to take a chance and come out and talk to you.”

“Oh. OK. Hi.”  [see how nice and receptive I am?]

“I’m Jonathan. So, what are you doing out here.. in Boston?”

“I live in Boston. And I’m shopping,” I said, as I raised my shopping bag.

“Oh, I live in Brookline,” Jonathan said.

Brookline’s really nice, I thought. Except there’s no overnight street parking, so it’d be a bitch to sleep over there, which means he’d have to come sleep at my place, which would suck ’cause Tori would give him a hard time for a few weeks at least, not to mention the fact that I don’t really want anyone hanging around my apartment for no specific reason.  I’d never get to read, or play video games, or watch my movies, or go to bed early. And really, Jonathan, that turtleneck is not OK.

“Nice. I live in Brighton,” I said.

“Oh, Brighton’s interesting.”

“I really like it,” I said. “I know people tend to not like it because of all the college students in the area, but I’m centrally located and my building is very quiet.”

“Oh, that’s key,” he said. “Quiet is very important, especially for someone like you… I mean, I don’t know, but I imagine you really like to read.”

Was Jonathan calling me a loser with no friends and Saturday night plans, or was he trying to compliment me intellectually? I didn’t know. But I did know that I desperately wanted to go home soon, so I could walk the dog, read the new issue of The Week magazine I’d just gotten, and have enough time to catch a movie by myself…

“Right. Yea, I do like to read,” I said, as I looked around, desperately trying to find something I could hold on to and use as an excuse to leave. “Hey, Jonathan, this is really nice, but… I’m committed.”

“To what, an institution?” Good one, Jonathan.

“Haha.. no, to a person. But thank you. Have a really nice day, OK?”

“All right, blablabla.” (I stopped listening)

After that exchange, I walked as fast as I could to the subway station, got on the T, and buried my face in my book until I reached home. Walked the dog, read my magazine, and then sat between two heavy-breathing, overweight, middle-aged men at the 7pm showing of a documentary on illegal immigration (9500 Liberty – go see it). Later on my girl friend picked me up and we went to a bar in Cambridge. She and I chatted, I promptly looked away when cute boys looked my way, then she dropped me off at home. Here I am, drunk, alone, but feeling halfway back on track to recovering my fun, positive outlook on life. At least I’m writing again.


11 Responses to “Hello, I am drunk”

  1. Sara September 19, 2010 at 00:42 #

    You’re back! I missed you!

  2. thaino September 19, 2010 at 04:06 #

    You’re back!

    Good work mate 🙂

  3. subject-verb agreement September 19, 2010 at 10:54 #

    you are my favorite person on the whole wide web. i’m sad that, logistically, we can’t be friends in real life.

  4. Martin September 19, 2010 at 12:19 #

    This is a far better drunken practice than texting people you shouldnt.

  5. Rebel mel September 19, 2010 at 13:33 #

    Hey. So I had started following your blog a while ago, but for a while had been far too busy to keep up with my google reader. Managed to catch this post… I live super close to you! Just thought I’d throw that out there! 🙂

  6. Mr. Apron September 19, 2010 at 15:47 #

    Thank God you’re back. Keep making yucky faces to men and writing whilst shitfaced.

    I approve.

  7. Juliana September 19, 2010 at 18:43 #

    HI EVERYBODY!!!! You know what? I really really like you.

    mel.. let’s get a fucking coffee, then. sheeeeyt.

    • Rebel mel September 19, 2010 at 19:17 #

      Yes! Let’s do it. An Irish coffee perhaps? Let’s tweet @ each other sometime.

  8. Sean September 20, 2010 at 07:48 #

    I’m happy that you’re back!

  9. me September 26, 2010 at 19:55 #


  10. BunglingBaseturd November 24, 2010 at 22:06 #

    This makes me feel better about the times chicks have ignored me after going on a date that I thought went well.

    They are just fucked up! LOL

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